bringingupbuddhas

suburban adventures in bu-curious mothering

Tag: transformation

i’m tired of hating trump. let’s try loving him instead.

#MettaBomb #MettaBombTrump #PrayForPence

In the months leading up to Super Tuesday – or for many, Not-so-super Tuesday – I began dedicating part of my Metta meditation practice to Donald J. Trump. If you’ve never heard of Metta, it’s a Buddhist prayer during which you fill yourself with love, then offer that same love to a benefactor, a stranger, a challenger, and finally to all sentient beings.

I bet you can guess who my challenging person was. To be honest, it wasn’t easy to wish Trump love, peace, and protection during the presidential race. His energy felt overwhelming and frantic to me. Insurmountable. So while I practiced Metta, I’d use my imagination to shrink him down into a newborn baby. As a baby, I could more easily relate to him. I’d observe his orange face soften, his puckered mouth relax, and I’d hold his vulnerable infant body in my arms, cooing to him, “May you be happy. May you know love. May you be protected. May you be peaceful and at ease.”

Since Super Tuesday, I have not taken very good care of my Metta baby. Not only have I neglected him, but I have actively wished him suffering, torment, and failure. I have wished him unwell because his core values do not align with mine and because I fear his potential.

This fear has made me a slave to unplanned interruptions. Instead of focusing on my personal priorities, I am occupied by incessant introductions of new concerns regarding a man who is already taking up way too much space in my head. In this real-time barrage of American panic, I am losing myself to fear.

But Metta isn’t about fear, it’s about love. And I have faith in love. Big time. So I sit in meditation today, and I drop the bomb on Trump – the Metta Bomb.

#MettaBomb is a Twitter hashtag created by one of my favorite meditation teachers, Sharon Salzberg. It’s a random act of digital gratitude rooted in lovingkindness – and the only kind of bomb that raises our consciousness.

When we feel authentic love – not superficial ego boosts that placate, but *fulfilling love* – we do no harm. We find space for higher thinking, for forgiveness, for compassion. Donald Trump is human, just like you and me, and he will respond to an outpouring of authentic love if we are brave enough to offer it to him.

Let’s walk our talk, friends. Let’s be the change. Let’s continue to stand for equality, to organize and empower, to speak for the voiceless. Let’s elevate our speech and minds by dropping the #MettaBomb on Trump. Let’s lead with love.

And while we’re at it, let’s #PrayForPence. He’s likely having a tough week after being called out by the cast of Hamilton. Personally, when I feel confronted or rejected, it’s really hard to do good work, and I bet Mike Pence is the same. So let’s pray he recovers quickly, so that he can heal and soften and let some love and light in. Let’s pray that his experience on Broadway helps him understand that he is no longer representing the majority of constituents in his state, but the majority in his country, and the majority is asking for peace and protection.

How can we ask it, if we’re not willing to give it? I’m ready to give it. Are you?

#MettaBomb #MettaBombTrump #PrayForPence

thoughts from the intersection of socks and mindfulness

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Every morning before school, my kids eat breakfast, scribble out some homework, and start loading on backpacks, jackets, and sneakers.

For the past seven years, I endured the shrill last minute morning demand of at least one child, “Mommy! I forgot socks! Will you go upstairs and get them for me?”

For seven years, I responded with either, “You go get them! Run! See if you can do it in 20 seconds! 1…2…3…” or with, “You need to remember to put your socks on! I’ll do it today but no more!” (The lies we mothers tell our kids!)

For seven years, I accepted this sockless scenario as part of child rearing, without questioning it.

The big-picture reason for this unquestioning acceptance? Confession time. I was born disorganized. One might even have diagnosed me as a walking, talking, breathing natural disaster. (Gasp!) It’d always been impossible for me to keep my house (physically and mentally) in order.

My now-disciplined mind has been well-earned through a maturing meditation and mindfulness practice, though my home continued to function in a rigid state of loose disorder. I’d surrendered to my messy surroundings, believing that chaos was a necessary cog in assembling multiple children for their daily presentation to the world.

But wait! One thing my mindful parenting practice has taught me is that I don’t have to accept chaos in my home. And I don’t have to respond to logistical panic with more logistical panic. (ie. “No socks! What am I going to do?? There are no clean socks!!!”) Mindfulness has also taught me how to think in solutions as a default.

Solutions in the form of a basket of socks by the back door.

You’re probably thinking, “Vanessa, you are not only the most disorganized, but also the lamest mother on the planet. I’ve been doing this for years and your story is downright droll.” But again, please remember how painfully disorganized I am (WAS, how painfully disorganized I WAS) and appreciate the miraculous transformation that would have to take place for me to look at my children’s morning disembarkation process and say, “My kids don’t need to be screaming. I can make our lives easier. I’m going to bring all of their socks downstairs and leave them in a basket by the door.”

And then to actually follow it up with ACTION! A trip to TJ Maxx to buy a basket! This is HUGE for a naturally disastrous person like me! To add to the miracle, it’s been over a month and the basket is still full of socks. (In other words, I’m slaying laundry duty. Yah baby!)

I’m also thinking that either God is rewarding all of my meditation work with a dose of self-motivated discipline, or He’s really tired of hearing my kids scream in the morning, too. Either way, I’m confident that it was my mindfulness practice that inspired this most excellent (and organized) footwear solution.

www.vanessagobes.com